I want Rhys Hoskins to bash my skull in with a protractor: Phillies 4, Walgreens 3

Gabe Kapler said Rhys Hoskins was "in many ways the heartbeat of this club" and he just continues to show that over this first month of baseball. The Phillies have played 9 games. They are 7-2. Rhys Hoskins is slashing .367/.513/.933, good for an 1.446 OPS, with 5 homers, and 8 walks to 8 Ks. He is only 26 years old.

Hoskins homered twice, with his second of the night proving to be the winning run. On a night where Harper and McCutchen went 0-7 with 1 BB by Bryce, Hoskins/Odubel/Realmuto/Segura went 7-15 with 3 homers. If your superstar $330M man doesn't get it done, someone else will. Or all of them will.

Rhys may have put the game away for the Phillies, but Odubel gave him that chance. In the bottom of the 4th of a 2-2 game where Anibal Sanchez (noted butt sucker) was for some reason baffling Phillies hitters and getting them to swing early and often to some weak contact, I screamed when he came to the plate "DON'T SWING AT THE FIRST PITCH!". Well, aren't I an asshole, because he did just that and tied the game on a towering homer to right and capped it off with our first proper Odubel bat flip of the year.

Just look at that damn bat flip. If you don't like bat flips sound off in the comments below so I can tell you how fucking stupid you are and also guess your age, skin color, and political alignment.

On to the pitching. Velasquez had a bit of a rocky start. He only threw first pitch strikes to 7 of 18 batters which isn't great, but he didn't walk anyone and struck out 2. His only real mistake was one to Kurt Suzuki that he hit a mile to left to give Walgreens a 2-0 lead. He also got a bit of help from the defense to save a run, but really that corpse Ryan Zimmerman had no business trying to score there, happy he did though! Dumbass.

After Vinny left it was time for a confidence building outing for Seranthony, who would pitch a clean 6th with 2 ground outs and a K. Adam Morgan would come in to pitch the 7th, presumably to only face Juan Soto, but Kapler left him in to face the corpse Ryan Zimmerman and Suzuki who he retired on a K and a weak ground out respectively. With the weak ground out being handled beautifully by Maikel. The Phillies playing good defense is seriously getting me all horned up.

Robertson pitched a clean 8th and after Hoskins homered for the second time on the night to give the Phillies a 4-2 lead, Neshek came in and immediately allowed a homer to 43 year old Brian Dozier. Not great. Then Rendon doubled and at this point I was preparing for a time game. But once again the corpse Ryan Zimmerman and Suzuki would ground out to end the game and end my stress.

The Phillies are 7-2, 1 game ahead of the shitass Mets. They have 2 more against the Nats, excuse me Walgreens, before an off day on Thursday and then we get Miami, which I fully expect to be a sweep. Feeling pretty good, not gonna lie.

Also, let's not forget about Rhys' lucky Disney socks. They are very important.


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