Let me start out by saying if they don't sweep the fish I may strap my self to the back of a SEPTA bus and let it drag me up and down the city until I'm nothing but a pile of unrecognizable remains.
Anyway, let's see how the pitching match ups stack up this weekend, shall we?
GAME 1 - Fri, April 12th 7:10 PM EDT
Alcantara throws fast. He is like the Marlins' Nick Pivetta actually. His first start he went 8 shutout innings with 6 Ks and no walks. Then his next start he walked 5 with no Ks. As much as Arrieta hasn't looked all that great so far, this is an easy win for the Phillies if the offense can take their heads out of their asses.
GAME 2 - Sat, April 13th 6:10 PM EDT
Zach Eflin returns to the mound to continue to help me wash the memories of me screaming "NICK PIVETTA BREAKOUT SEASON" from my brain. Eflin has given everyone no reason to question the sustainability of his recent success. Dude has some healthy ass knees now and looks to carve up the fish. Caleb Smith. Who the fuck is Caleb Smith? My name is Chris Jones and I am marveling at the whiteness of "Caleb Smith". Probably has a sister named Makaeyliah Smith.
GAME 3 - Sun, April 14th 1:10 PM EDT
Vince Velasquez, despite what this dumb image above says, went 5 innings against Walgreens for his season debut, striking out 4 and walking none. He seemed to trust JT Realmuto and it looks like it worked. Jose Urena is supposed to be the Marlins' "ace" I guess, but the dude sucks. Looking forward to the offense knocking him out of the game by the 4th inning.
Also, please let our former beautiful baby boi Jorge Alfaro not hit any dingers against us. I don't have it in me to hate him.